Saturday, October 22, 2011

Second Glance

Second Glance
I am angry yet I am still here
Everything I do I fail at I fear
Why must I go on, what for?
Someone’s knocking, I don’t want to open that
Standing here I write but it all looks the same
I wonder how many times you called my name
How did it feel to realize I was gone
I bet you didn’t walk the floors until dawn
Did sleep come easy? Was I even missed?
Why? There’s many reasons it would be a long list
Say what you will I no longer care
All your questions all the time drove me insane
Sitting here I stare out my window at the
Pouring rain
Perhaps it is my fault oh well I don’t give a
A late night phone call to my dealer I need another
When I get enough the sun will be shining
One of these days re-uping could cost me my life
It just might
This is a roller coaster ride I can’t seem to
Get off of
Yes I know I have hurt the one’s I love
Stopping is hard I feel like I can’t
Dope sick my brain starts to chant
My eye lids begin to droop I try to stay alert
Driving is dangerous I’m numb it won’t hurt
Other people’s feelings don’t matter when I’m on
This shit
The things I’ve done my parents would have a fit
They created this they drove me to it can’t they see
Now they don’t care they just let me be
If I overdose who cares maybe they’ll be glad
Then when it’s too late they’ll realize the special
Woman they had
Wishing more and more that I could go back home
I really do
If they’d let me I’d walk that straight line that is
No matter how strict or hard I would gladly
I’d live my life serving God each and every day
Won’t you give me this one desperate chance
I promise I’ll never give drugs a second

This poem was written by an amazing woman (who's grammar, spelling, and poet structure mirror that of a third grader) I know and love like a sister. She grew up in a verbally and physically abusive home. Her parents divorced when she was 2, which took her away from the physical abuse. Unfortunately, her mother is the main cause for most of the pain she went through. She was verbally abused everyday, and it broke her. She made some bad choices, and ended up a drug whore, married to an abusive druggy/alcoholic, with three children that she certainly didn't know what to do with. Her family not once offered to help her; they simply made her know, as much as possible, that there was no way she could ever be worth the life they gave her. She was spirally down, praying to overdose and just end it all. Then, she just...didn't. She prayed for a light, for something to cling to. She prayed for a reason to live. And she found it, in the form of her three children. She saw how much her decisions affected the three children that she had brought into the world, and she realized she wanted to be a better person. She cleaned up her act. She has been clean and sober for a while now; she has completly changed her life. Life threw everything at her while she was trying to change: her dad died, her husband died, she got in many life-threatening situations involving cars and stupid people, etc. It seemed as though anything that could happen, did. And yet...she didn't turn back. To this day, her family talks trash about her behind her back and refuses to trust her or see her as a good person. But to me, she will always be my greatest inspiration to live my life with strength, honor, and commitment. She taught me to be strong, to never back down or give in. She taught me to always act like everyone is waiting for me to screw up, because chances are, they are. She taught me that protecting those I love is the first, and only important, priority. She taught me everything I needed to become the stable, happy person I am working towards being. Forgiveness is something I rarely ever give, but this amazing women deserves it! She is truely amazing :)

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