Hate. It warps me; taints me; makes me crazy. It swirls in my soul,
a slimy black snake. It worms its way into my thoughts; my words; my love. It
ruins happy moments. It hits me, again and again, leaving big craters that
slowly eat their way bigger and bigger. Hate.
It’s a disease. It spreads; with a word, a touch, a look. It spreads, and you
don’t even have to do anything for it to contaminate everyone. Hate. All it lets you see is everything
you ever did wrong, every person you ever hurt. Moments when you screwed up,
they play in front of your eyes day in and day out, like some kind of perverse
movie screening. Every new door that opens looks so small, you no longer even
try to make it through. Hate. It
stops you. You can’t move forward, you can’t think right, you can’t talk right;
you can’t even breathe right. It’s
the center of your whole universe. Ignoring it is like taking Advil;
temporarily, you’re okay. But the pain…it always comes back. Hate. You can’t live with it. There’s no
living without it. It’s always there; hiding underneath kind words, sneaking in
shadows of great opportunities, echoed through every single thought that passes
through your mind. It’s THERE. You can never, ever get rid of it. Praying only ticks it off, makes it strike
harder. Medicine only helps it warp your mind; it makes you think you’re
crazy…it makes you crazy. Hate. It’s
not a part of your life…
It is your life.
I loved this one I feel as if I can relate
ReplyDeleteI wrote it to try and explain how my bipolar makes me feel. That's the depression part. Its better now :) turns out medicine does help a tiny bit! Haha, I'm glad you liked it :)
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